when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize