If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
