it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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