Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
