Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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