ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
