How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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