I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize