She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
