I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
