if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
