party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
