I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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