I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize