I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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