mondays should just be called national damage control day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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