I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
