i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Four minutes until I can fart!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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