hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
