Can i not drive my cunt home
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nutella sex= disaster
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
