OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
