Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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