Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
