Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
