we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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