Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
