I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
