i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
