Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
