If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
