Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
