i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize