And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
