he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
