Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
