I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
