i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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