Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
