can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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