Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
