ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
