Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
