After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
