Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize