Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
