I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
