Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
