we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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