Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
