this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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