Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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