I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
