so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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