what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
