If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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