I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
