I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
