no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
