You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize