is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
