I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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