Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
