Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
