This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come on in and take your pants off
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