Whod you bang
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
