I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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